Mathematics.

Introduction to Real (Life) Analysis

Theorem. (Monotone Convergence Theorem)
Everything we do converges towards boredom. :/

(Ok the actual MCT from Real Analysis is "Every bounded monotone sequence converges." Who says maths isn't practical... hurrrr)

But...

"The pleasures common to soul and body depend entirely on the passions, so that persons whom the passions can move most deeply are capable of enjoying the sweetest pleasures of this life. It is true that they may also experience the most bitterness when they do not know how to put these passions to good use, and when fortune works against them. But the chief use of wisdom lies in teaching us to be masters of our passions and to control them with such skill that the evils which they cause are quite bearable, and even become a source of joy."

- Renee Descartes, Passions of the Soul

... it is not wise to do what I am doing.

A uniformly random lunch

Sitting in the SRC now typing this while watching the world go by.

I checked my work email earlier on, driven entirely by curiosity regarding what new fad the higher ups deigned to chase this year. It looks like things will only get more complicated and more hectic. Sure, there're some very positive strides, but some measures are lulzy to the max. Another case of 1 step forward, 2 steps back - it seems that technology still confounds the establishment, an amusing idea if not for the nature of the organization.

2009 was an especially bad year. The fuck-up fairy apparently wasn't contented with toying around with my personal life and ended up making a hash of work too, and all I could do was stand back and watch as part of collateral damage while the powers that be bought everyone the 1st class one-way ticket to hell.

Thank goodness that's all over. As I enter 2010, for the first time in my life, I'm making new year resolutions. Somewhere along the way, I guess I lost the plot and did not grow up into the man I wanted to be, a really grim realization to wake up to. So it's time to kill off this life and turn this barge around before it sinks even further. I do not want to wake up again 5 years down the road with the same old life, same old complaints.

It's good to be back.

1980 - 2003, 2010 - ?
2004 - 2009 (R. I. Pieces)

The bloom is off

The dream ended as a nightmare. But meh.

It seems that no matter what happens, we end up back at this spot... And though I left a long time ago, I don't know how thankful I am that you're still around now. I owe you a really big one...

Are we destined to do this tango forever?

Interesting fact: the day that happened was also the day that we'd have marked a certain 10 yr anniversary...

ph34r

I'm limping to the end this time round. The sinking feeling is back and the past 2 years have felt more like 20 years. I realize that I can't even do a fraction of what I did 2 years ago - even 1 day per week of the "clinic" compared to 3 or sometimes 4 per week in the last cycle has gotten nothing but a throat laceration.

Driving these days has become a chore - the courtesy car's utterly boring, and also utterly dangerous. Without the sense of excitement that the MR2 gives, I drive to work half-asleep and drive back sometimes fighting the urge to doze off at the wheel every inch of the way.

But perhaps the most life-changing event was going for that... test. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. Sure, you could say that understanding oneself is important, but up until now, I'd believed that everything I did was by choice. Having that taken from you is just downright lousy. Who knows what other underlying issues there might be...

On another note, I might finally be going to grad school and after the euphoria of making such a decision, a sudden pang of fear has set in. Truth is, I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. Going back to study and finally doing something beyond the basic degree has always been something that I've longed to do since the day I graduated. But I'm not 20 anymore. So I go to grad school... what next? Do I come back to the same old life, albeit with a shinier piece of paper and a couple of tens of grands poorer only to continue hacking away at my soul? I wonder how much of that decision was mine to make, considering the number of people suggesting that I go to grad school. I'm far too susceptible to others' suggestions to do crazy things and even though that's sometimes a good idea, I've also wrongly followed some crap advice before too. This time, I can't shake off the feeling that this might turn out to be yet another monumental mistake. Only there might be no second chance left.

Maybe there's some truth in what my friends told me recently - that I look like I've aged 20 years since joining the service. I need a vacation bad....

Was that another one?

It's kind of an axiom that everyone makes stupid decisions at some point in their life. It's been a few days and I still can't decide if signing that form was another one of those decisions.

All signs point "GO", but I chose otherwise... :(

Ancient Memories, Crappy Photos

A revisit of one of the places that I loved terribly back in my JC days. Unfortunately the night mode on the E75 is of the species utterous horribilis, so these pictures don't do the scenery any justice whatsoever. Photos taken here at sunrise would be gorgeous - I have but one and it's old school yo, a moldy 4R print.


That's the watchtower to watch the sunrise from. Didn't go up there. The number of people up there is usually an even, non-zero number.... *nod* Let's not disturb them. The carpark just behind was already full of cars with engines running... windows either fogged up or lined with newspaper... :P


Epic fail picture of the other side.


This wasn't here before... It's a walkway to some platform out in the water with no discernible purpose.


Uh yeah...


The long walkway in if you come on foot. There's a small carpark outside along Mandai road. People stroll and jog here even at night and the bund is an awesome place to sit on and watch the morning sun strain to peek over the horizon at the far side of the reservoir. Memories suggest that it gets quite chilly out here, but the air was still and humid when I went last night.


I hope those balls don't hit sunrise watchers...

Toilets...

Go on, guess how to use that tap. It took me quite a number of tries. Don't you hate it when people try to design exotic looking taps that function completely counter to intuition and common sense?


FYI that tap's not turned on by rotating or pressing that knob at the top although you can rotate and press it. You have to "open" it by tilting the knob so that it separates from the tap like a pez dispenser. That's all kinds of fail from some restaurant at Allson Hotel. I went there for a relative's birthday dinner recently. Good food, crap tap.

There's always a first for everything...

On my way to an ex-class' gathering, just barely out of my carpark, this kid on a bicycle going REALLY fast, against traffic around a bend collided with my car. I was going slowly since my car wasn't warmed up yet so I managed to brake to a stop but the champion didn't and smashed into my bumper and flipped over onto my windscreen before falling off. He got a small 1cm cut on his head and was walking and talking immediately after. My car on the other hand... :(

Huge crack on the left half of the windscreen...


Fibreglass chipped off the bumper where his bike impacted it...

Views of the accident...

View from the inside of my car after that...

Lots of glass shards all over the passenger seat =.=

Trying to blend in... :P


I bet this will be the spectacle of the school when I drive in tomorrow morning -.-

Still Alive